Mother issues

[tenaya]

Well, I suppose this will be the begining of a long drawn out saga of living with an aging parent. I do feel the need to document but realize this will interest very few of you.

Mom is 75. She doesn't get out much and the phrase use it or lose it is very valid for her. She's begun to ask that I get her stuff from the kitchen. See, it would be better if she did it herself because when she does finally get out of that recliner, she's all stiff in the shape of the recliner. But, I do it.

Lately though, she's begun misplace my mail and I'm not getting my phone messages. Apparently there was something from the Neilson ratings company that she doesn't know where it went. When the FiOS guys were here and I was discussing stuff with them, she answered the phone, listen for a bit and then interrupted me to hand me the phone. It was a FiOS automated message finishing up. She didn't try to listen to it and of course, by the time she gave it to me, I had no idea what they wanted to communicate and the call ended. Oh well.

This morning, I get up to find she's doing some online audio study thing with Oprah and some German guy that is all about pain bodies and how the pain of our ancestors is in our DNA and the pain of mothers is transfered to their unborn babies and how these pain bodies screw everyone up. Whatever. But then, she says that Verizon left a message on the answering machine but she deleted it. She didn't listen to it, she just deleted it. Not too sorry about it either. I explained that it was very frustrating to me not be getting my messages and she pretty much just up and left the room. I'm thinking my negative emotions were sending her pain bodies vibrating or some such shit. She just gave me a look when I said there could be other things I'm required to do to set up this FiOS thing and we can't ignore their phone calls. Actually, yesterday when I was talking to a tech guy to help me get the new email addresses, he asked if I'd confirmed the order. Well, we did it then but it was news to me and apparently I only had a month to do it in. I've no idea what would have happened if I didn't. Probably get a letter or a phone call...but oh wait, I won't get those either maybe.

So, no resolution to her screwing up messages for me. BTW, this has been going on for a while but hey, stuff happens. I'm just really annoyed that she's not repentant or willing to discuss solutions.

And it's not uncommon to find the doors unlocked and twice I've found a skillet on the stove with a flame on under it and she's forgotten it. Like I said, this will be the first of many posts I fear.

So, Oprah and the audio study group of the book "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle...helpful or cultish bullshit? Opinions anyone?

Comments

[deej1957.livejournal.com]

I've never heard of the book, but, ohmyfriend, do I hear what you're saying about your mom.

My aunt died Sunday while I was in Canada and my MOM FORGOT TO TELL ME till last night when I said-- oh, we need to send Aunt Florence a card this week (she was in a rehab center after falling). Mom was confused, then said-- she died... I was...upset. Aunt Flo was daddy's sister, btw, not mom's.

I think pretty much everyone in fandom our age can commiserate with you on elderly parents.

Can I suggest you use your cell phone number for business?

[obelix]

Maybe we should set up a community for stories about our mothers?

I can relate, boy can I relate! *sigh*

*hugs*

[aurora-novarum.livejournal.com]

I echo that about the

Maybe your mom should see a doctor. The forgetfulness might just be forgetfulness, but you want to make sure it's not something else...or even some side effect of medications or the like. The attitude and forgetting just sounds all too familiar to me.

Is Oprah's thing about "New Earth" finally done yet? I like Oprah okay. She can be entertaining and sometimes informative. (Okay, I mainly tape the Dr. Oz dude). But she was preaching that New Earth thing like the Cult of Tomorrow. I couldn't decide whether I should be annoyed or scared. I've heard her ratings are down this season. Correlation? Hmmm.

[tenaya.livejournal.com]

:::sigh::: First off, I'm sorry for your loss. Second, did your Mom understand why you were upset? Could you have gone to Flo's funeral if you'd known in time? I don't know how get better communication going. It is so frustrating.

I hadn't thought about using the cell phone. I leave it off most of the time so that'd have to change. I'll have to think about that but it is a possibility. Thanks.

[tenaya.livejournal.com]

Yeah, sign me up for that community. I was speechless that your mom could go on such a rant because you were listening to rock music. She knows you. She *knows* you aren't a druggy. How could she tell everyone she was disowning you? Aye!

[tenaya.livejournal.com]

I hadn't thought about her seeing a doctor. She's stubborn but if I start to keep track of events, maybe I can get her to bring this up with her doctor. Good idea. Thanks.

Mom downloads some sort of audio discussion. I had the feeling that they are going through the book chapter for chapter. Eckhart and Oprah talk and then they bring in questions from the audience. The 15 minutes I heard today unsettled me. I totally agree that pain/anxiety does cause physical problems and of course, emotional problems but there was a kind of magical thinking that gave these 'pain bodies' a mystical power over everything from the individual to our civilization.

I was also very disturbed by "The Secret" and her promotion of it. Usually Oprah has a decent show and her Dr. Oz eps are very useful but I'm uneasy by how much she is trying to lead/manipulate her viewers. "Cult of Tomorrow" is a really good phrase.

[obelix]

Let me finish exams and Mediawest and then I think I will set one up. There are enough of us to warrant a community I would think ;-)

Hon, my Mother still thinks that all 3 of the children don't have degrees whereas we all have at least one degree or more. She regularly mixes up our names with that of the cats and she's been doing that ever since I was born. I've been called Gigi or Frou-Frou more times then I can count and no she isn't sick, doesn't have Alzheimers or Dementia or anything else, she's just very self-centered and judges or remembers things only has they relate to herself and how she can create drama and get attention.

As for the disowning, I've been disowned so often that I was actually surprised when I found out I was in my Dad's will. Obviously he didn't listen to her and did what he wanted. She's just like that and nothing will change her. I just get annoyed because I really don't have the time to deal with her hysterics ;-)

I know a lot of people who are having the same kind of problems you and I are. One friend is actually to the point of moving out and getting her own place (she's been living with her mother for years to help her out) because she just can't take it anymore. Her mother is pretty much doing the same thing your mother is and more.

Another friend is looking into placing his mother in an assisted living apartment because of her forgetfulness and how dangerous it's getting and that's not counting the way she is treating her daughter which is similar to the way my Mother is treating me.

Another friend is getting so stressed out by her mother's shenanigans that her husband is about to put his foot down and place her in an assisted living apartment also just so my friend doesn't end up burned out.

And the list goes on...

[tenaya.livejournal.com]

Again, I'm speechless. All I can say is I'm so thankful not to have such a drama queen!

And the community does sound like a good idea. Let me know.

So, you and Grac busy thinking about door designs? *g*

[mfluder42.livejournal.com]

I can get behind that one, though I have to say, it's more about coming to the realisation (as Deej and I have talked about) that suddenly you get to a point in your life where you're the adult - or the more responsible/controlling adult - in the relationship.

In my worst moments, more than anything I miss being the one being hugged.

Life, eh?

*hugs* to all!