I think I did a bad thing.

We've two strays hanging around. The first cat is Buddy: black, bold, bossy. He strolls into the house and announces he's there and where's his food? He's making a dent on the small critters of the yard. He's very friendly with cat number two, a small grey tabby. We think of her as a she 'cause she just seems feminine. She's delicate, small, and very hungry. She's not coping too well living rough. My feeling is they were both dumped here last spring. Three weeks ago, I wondered if her tummy was getting bigger and made a call to the kitty nanny to borrow her trap. She brought it by on Saturday, and this morning when I got home from work I set it.

First I had to chase Brindle out of it, then I had to chase Buddy out of it. She was wary but eventually got in and tripped it. I took her right in to the vets to be examined, tested for FIV and Leukemia, given vaccines, neutered if needed and kept over night for post op care. We got a call at 7pm that she is a she and they'd just spayed her. While she was terrified when I bought her in, she was handleable--meaning not a feral cat. Her tests are negative. And she's lactating. Fuck. She'd already had kittens.

I searched the backyard (found a couple of skunks snoozing in the various thickets.) I went over the neighbors whose house is now empty. I peered under their house with a high powered flashlight, under their deck and through all the bushes. I can't find anything sign. I heard nothing even though I tried mewing like a kitten.

Mom and I feel terrible. We thought we were doing the right thing and.... :::sigh::: When I had her in the cage I tried to eyeball her belly. I didn't think her breasts looked large or her nipples swollen, but she was all huddled up.

Our intentions were to bring her home tomorrow and lock her in Mom's room with a litter box, food and water for a few days. Let her calm down. Let her realize we want her to live with us. Now...? She'll want to go to her family. I don't think letting her out is good for her, post operatively speaking.

Her kittens, I see three different scenarios. One, she's so young that they may have died soon after birth if her instincts weren't good, and they could have been preyed upon if she didn't choose well in where to stow them. Second, taking their mother away could have killed them today. They will have been on their own for 29 hours by the time we get her home tomorrow. That's a long time infants to be without warmth and food. Or three, her babies are out there and they need their mom.

I don't know what to do.