Garage guest update
Nov. 22nd, 2004 02:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tenayaLong, whiny rant devoid of humor or insight. Read at your own peril.
I told J this morning, in a nice but firm way, that, just so we're on the same page, he needs to find somewhere else to stay by his next payday (which I was thinking would be the Dec. 3rd, but it turns out it's Dec. 6.) He was going to follow up on a few leads on rooms for rent and was saying things like, "Wow, this guy's name is J, too. I've yet to get along with anyone else whose name was J." Or when he heard this other house had a female dog resident, stated that his dog Carly, has never gotten along with another female dog. I laughed and said, "J, you're gonna need to shelve that attitude if you're going to get a place to live." That is the first time in my 47 years that I've ever had to do the 'brutal truth wrapped in laughter' thing. I had the feeling that he was going to wait for the perfect place and find something wrong with every possibility. He's 37 and talks like a teenager with teenage concerns. I think he's stuck at being a teenager and keeps expecting everyone else to shoulder the parent-type burdens for him. When asked, he admits that he hasn't had his own place since he lost the apt. next door, so to my mind, where's all the money he's saved by not paying rent? Mom thought he was loopy on Sat. morning; he was burning incense tonight. I burn incense, too, but it just seems odd to me that when you're basically homeless, you still manage to cart incense around with you.
Anyway, aside from making a football punting motion, he took it rather well, thanking us for our help. When I went into the garage later today, I see his has a surprising amount his stuff arranged in a very homey way. I'm still a bit tense about how this will work out but am going to be firm about Dec. 6. I think he's peeing and probably pooping in the yard somewhere; I know I saw him empty a bottle of urine in the courtyard. Mom thinks that the reason the toilet keeps overflowing after he uses it is because he lets the bucket overflow, mops it up with toilet paper and tries to flush the incredibly huge wad down. He dumped the bucket contents INTO THE BATHTUB!! I had to soak the tub in bleach to get the odor out. God, he is such an inept loser.
Anyway, let this be a lesson to you about what can go wrong when you try to do a good thing. I haven't even bother to whine on about the little stuff, like how he shows up expecting breakfast or how he had promised to help with yard work today but never turned to. I actually expected that, though. A few days ago he actually asked how hard this yardwork would be. Come on! If a 47 and a 72 year old woman can do it, surely it would not be beyond the strength of a 37 year old man!
Oh! Tonight we asked him in for pizza. He wanted to watch his dvd of The Land Of the Lost. I said no. When I was giving him the brief tour of Tivo, he asked about The Brady Bunch. I showed him how easy it is to find when it's showing--which is twice a day--he asked if we could start making copies of it for him! I didn't laugh and say, "hell no!" like I wanted, but did refuse. I thought the display of tivo/dish would inspire him to want these things for himself; what was I thinking?!
It's 46 degrees out there right now. When he came in for pizza he instantly remarked about how nice and warm it was in the house. We've got the thermostat set on 54 and we're dressed in sweats and sweaters; it really isn't that warm in here. I think he was thinking he'd work the sympathy angle to try and get to sleep in the house because he never mentioned again how toasty the house is. Lest you feel pity, there are two sleeping bags in the garage that we used as kids and are good to below freezing. He is using one as a mattress and hasn't bothered to get down the other one.
So, the upside of this is that I've discovered I can say 'no' often and easily, and that used to be hard for me. Whether this is because I'm rebelling against the blatant impositions and his usage of us, or whether I've reached that esteemed age where I don't give a shit about being perceived as 'nice' anymore, I suppose time will tell.
I told J this morning, in a nice but firm way, that, just so we're on the same page, he needs to find somewhere else to stay by his next payday (which I was thinking would be the Dec. 3rd, but it turns out it's Dec. 6.) He was going to follow up on a few leads on rooms for rent and was saying things like, "Wow, this guy's name is J, too. I've yet to get along with anyone else whose name was J." Or when he heard this other house had a female dog resident, stated that his dog Carly, has never gotten along with another female dog. I laughed and said, "J, you're gonna need to shelve that attitude if you're going to get a place to live." That is the first time in my 47 years that I've ever had to do the 'brutal truth wrapped in laughter' thing. I had the feeling that he was going to wait for the perfect place and find something wrong with every possibility. He's 37 and talks like a teenager with teenage concerns. I think he's stuck at being a teenager and keeps expecting everyone else to shoulder the parent-type burdens for him. When asked, he admits that he hasn't had his own place since he lost the apt. next door, so to my mind, where's all the money he's saved by not paying rent? Mom thought he was loopy on Sat. morning; he was burning incense tonight. I burn incense, too, but it just seems odd to me that when you're basically homeless, you still manage to cart incense around with you.
Anyway, aside from making a football punting motion, he took it rather well, thanking us for our help. When I went into the garage later today, I see his has a surprising amount his stuff arranged in a very homey way. I'm still a bit tense about how this will work out but am going to be firm about Dec. 6. I think he's peeing and probably pooping in the yard somewhere; I know I saw him empty a bottle of urine in the courtyard. Mom thinks that the reason the toilet keeps overflowing after he uses it is because he lets the bucket overflow, mops it up with toilet paper and tries to flush the incredibly huge wad down. He dumped the bucket contents INTO THE BATHTUB!! I had to soak the tub in bleach to get the odor out. God, he is such an inept loser.
Anyway, let this be a lesson to you about what can go wrong when you try to do a good thing. I haven't even bother to whine on about the little stuff, like how he shows up expecting breakfast or how he had promised to help with yard work today but never turned to. I actually expected that, though. A few days ago he actually asked how hard this yardwork would be. Come on! If a 47 and a 72 year old woman can do it, surely it would not be beyond the strength of a 37 year old man!
Oh! Tonight we asked him in for pizza. He wanted to watch his dvd of The Land Of the Lost. I said no. When I was giving him the brief tour of Tivo, he asked about The Brady Bunch. I showed him how easy it is to find when it's showing--which is twice a day--he asked if we could start making copies of it for him! I didn't laugh and say, "hell no!" like I wanted, but did refuse. I thought the display of tivo/dish would inspire him to want these things for himself; what was I thinking?!
It's 46 degrees out there right now. When he came in for pizza he instantly remarked about how nice and warm it was in the house. We've got the thermostat set on 54 and we're dressed in sweats and sweaters; it really isn't that warm in here. I think he was thinking he'd work the sympathy angle to try and get to sleep in the house because he never mentioned again how toasty the house is. Lest you feel pity, there are two sleeping bags in the garage that we used as kids and are good to below freezing. He is using one as a mattress and hasn't bothered to get down the other one.
So, the upside of this is that I've discovered I can say 'no' often and easily, and that used to be hard for me. Whether this is because I'm rebelling against the blatant impositions and his usage of us, or whether I've reached that esteemed age where I don't give a shit about being perceived as 'nice' anymore, I suppose time will tell.
